MINUTES FROM THE JANUARY ALPHA OMEGA SOCIETY MEETING

The meeting was called to order at 8:00 p.m. There were thirteen people in attendance. Gloria announced that a 50-50 raffle would be held with the proceeds going towards the purchase of audio software.

A discussion was held on the continuance of the phone line. Use of the phone line as a means of contact has been minimal. The cost has increased from around $4.00 per month to $12.00 per month. A poll of members who have joined in the last year shows that all made initial contact through the internet. Penny made a motion that we discontinue the phone line, Diane Brennan seconded. The motion passed with one dissenting vote. The group will research cost-effective alternatives.

Kathleen presented her ideas for the February meeting which would focus on the development of an introduction to wives to be included as part of an interview or membership package. This would be a jump off point to develop information focusing on wives and other family members who are affected by cross dressing. Our web site content for spouses will be reviewed, and pertinent information added.

In a related topic, Diane Frank mentioned that she and her partner have recently read a new book by the wife of a cross dresser entitled "My Husband Betty". Both feel this is a good book on the topic. The book is available through Amazon.com. Laura talked about the "Dancing Queen" which will cater more to the unattached male. She also stated that, at this point, one of the other local groups no longer has wives in attendance. She feels that our distinction from other groups in the area is our inclusion of spouses and other family members whose lives are affected by cross dressing.

Discussion then turned to possible speakers and ideas for future programs. Potential speakers include a psychotherapist who works with spouses, Sheila Kirk who is currently working on related research projects, former members Charlotte and Janet who would do a presentation of both Tai Chi and Raki therapy, and a counselor who works on the topic of feelings. Diane Frank talked about a transgendered oriented retreat, and Deb Lee talked about an upcoming retreat with her church as possibilities for outside programs.

This discussion led the group to see if we can schedule the psychotherapist who works with spouses as a speaker for the February meeting. Abigail will contact her to see if arrangements can be made. This speaker would be informative, and give impetus to our plans for developing concrete ways to provide support to spouses.

Gloria reminded the group that nominations for new officers would be taken in February, and elections held in March. At this point, Laura moved that we extend the term for another year with our current slate of officers. Discussion was held. All officers present were polled to see if they would be willing to serve for another year. All officers present said they would be willing to serve another term. Abigail seconded the motion. It was voted on and passed with one dissenting vote. Because of the dissenting vote, there was a question raised for clarification of the motion, and discussion was held.

It was resolved that there will be two issues to be voted on in February. The first issue would be a confirming vote of the motion made to re-elect the current slate of officers without going through the normal process of taking formal nominations in February and holding formal balloting in March. The second issue would be to actually vote for the current slate of officers. The intention of these actions will be published on our e-list and in our newsletter so that all members have time to review them before the February meeting. Any objections or concerns will then be brought up at the February meeting.

Diane Frank spoke of the need to amend our constitution to include the e-list as a legitimate vehicle of group communications. Diane Frank made a motion for such, which was seconded by Kathleen. The motion was voted on and carried.

Diane Frank mentioned that we had a hit on our guest list from someone who claimed to be a member of our group; however, no one recognizes the email address or the name. The email address was removed from the guest list as a matter of normal policy.

Diane Frank talked about the experiment in audio on our web site. She said, at this point there have been very few hits.

Diane Brennan made a motion we adjourn, Kathleen seconded. The meeting was adjourned.

Minutes Respectfully Submitted by

Kathleen Fenton, Chair of Family Support

A MEMBER’S STORY

Marathon - A Life Of Running From Myself

My life, from my earliest years, till the present, has been running. Non-stop running. Any track and field event has one basic object, to make it to the finish line. Preferably first, but to make the there. A goal. The track and field event known as my life has been somewhat different. With drugs and alcohol as my coaches, I have tried to run as far and as fast away from the finish line as I could. Away from people, places, things, life, and most of all, from myself. The problem with running away from the goal is there is no goal. Therefore, there is no end. With substances as my cheering section, I jumped on a never-ending treadmill, like a gerbil on a wheel. At first I ran well, but as to be expected, I eventually grew tired. My cheering section soon became my pursuers. The result, as to be expected, was disaster.

As with most people grouped in "Trans" category, my first "different" feelings came a very young age, about six, to be more precise. My experimenting with crossdressing started a few years later. My female persona became my friend, and even more so during those awful teenage years of puberty. Being of smaller physical stature only increased the trauma of those years. The name-calling was incessant. Around the eighth grade, my mother caught me wearing some make-up. Immediately, the mental barrage continued, this time from my own mother. "What's wrong with you? Be a man. Sissy." etc. etc. Inside of me, I felt Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Fear, for the first time. But it certainly wouldn't be the last. The starting gun had sounded, the race had begun.

How does one become "Manly"?? My female persona had to go, that much was clear. All the "real guys with all the chicks", were drinking, smoking pot, and doing drugs. "Aha!!" my mind clicked, this must be the way. So, off I went, starting my journey of chemically induced oblivion. By the time I was twenty-five, I was sitting in a mud pit, in a blackout, totally stupid. King of the World!! I had arrived. I was a man.

Through the years of my using, (twenty six of them, to be exact) my female persona kept surfacing. Even though I completely enjoyed her presence, of course, she was to blame for all of my problems. Nothing to due with my constant using, of course, it was all her fault. At these times, I would gather up my "collection" of clothing and makeup, and off to the dumpster I would go, followed by a good binge. And, so it went- the race in full swing.

By the last year of my using, my daughter had found some of my femme clothing, and makeup. "Crossdressing Faggot!!" was the cry of the day, and the whole neighborhood heard it!! More drinking, more using, more running. The more I drank, the sicker I got, physically, mentally, and spiritually. But, I still wouldn't admit, not even to myself, that most of the reason for my using was to bury Pamela, or that she was even there. The race was in full swing, and I was losing. Badly! By this time, I was drinking almost a case of beer at a sitting. But, no matter how much I used, I could no longer get where I wanted to go. Couldn't get drunk, couldn't get sober. Suicidal thoughts became my constant companion, all I ever thought about. A complete obsession. My cheering section had caught up to me.

This past May, I was lying on the couch, again contemplating how to do myself in. Out of the blue, my daughter walked in the room and said," Dad, I'm not mad at you because you crossdress, I'm mad because you won't admit it." At that very moment, a wave of peace and contentment swept over me as I had never felt before. Someone I loved very dearly had accepted me for who I was, for the first time in my life. We talked for several hours about the hows and whys of what I did. And, for the first time in my life, I accepted who I was. Pamela was officially born, and the race was finally over.

In the first month of my sobriety, I threw everything I had into my recovery. I had to, or face certain death. Pamela was there to help me, every step of the way. She, who I had thought for thirty years, was my worst enemy, was actually my best friend all along. She is who I am, and slowly I am learning to love myself. In the past eight months, I have gotten involved in a program of recovery from substance addictions. I have gone into counseling with a therapist who should be wearing a halo. She has not only not tried to "cure" me of Pamela, but also greatly encouraged her growth. And, I contacted Alpha Omega. I had been investigating the web site for some time, mostly in a drunken stupor, but there was something there that just stuck. Something almost magical to me. Here were people like me, people that felt like I did. So, I attended my first meeting, and I'm glad I did.

Though I am a relative newcomer to Alpha Omega, I hope to grow in the organization, and to help it grow. I knew, after my first meeting, that I had found a home, and met some truly wonderful people. For anyone experiencing the same horror and misery as I did, don't. All the substances in the world won't change who you really are, they'll just make you miserable. Being transgendered, or a crossdresser, is a gift, not a curse. This is a side of ourselves that we need to love, cherish, and nurture. A side of ourselves we need to accept. Trying to run away from ourselves with drugs and alcohol is one race we can't win. Take it from one who has been there. By stopping running, is the only way we can win.

God Bless,

Pamela Jacklyn Mihal.

Sacred Words

One of the discussion lists that I participate in just blew up, with a large fraction of the active contributors de-listed or boycotting. A lot of the discussion was about the meaning of words, and in particular the meaning of the term transgendered. It’s a term we use frequently, and the generally accepted meaning is an umbrella term for a wide range of behaviors and identities. But there are people who object to being labeled this way, and I think their reservations merit awareness and considerate treatment.

Some people who don’t like being called transgendered are those born with ambiguous genitalia and/or metabolic variations that affect the generation or utilization of sex hormones. Many of these people have been treated in US by genital surgery at an early age, in order, it is claimed to give them a normal life. There is a growing movement to end this practice and let people chose to reshape ambiguous genitals as they find their own way in life. Surgery on infants is likened to the genital mutilation practiced on girls in some tribes in Africa. Studies seem to show that in Western countries, the success rates of the surgical assignments isn’t great, less than 80% in the best cases, and total failures in others. In contrast I heard of studies in 3rd world countries where people wished they had been treated as infants. Regardless of this, people with ambiguous genitalia who figure out who they are and what they want to present themselves as to society at large, regardless of their surgical status often resent being called transgendered. They had a birth defect, but that in no way should allow someone to indicate that there is somehow something abnormal or unusual about the choices they make with their lives. They feel that being called transgendered does that. This occurs mostly when someone determines that the sex they were assigned to at birth isn’t what they are, and they need to do something about it. Being called transgendered when they do this seems to validate societies right to impose an incorrect gender assignment on them, and they don’t like it.

Another group of people who resent the transgendered umbrella are a group of people with transsexual history, in particular a group calling itself "women born trans." The argument here is similar to that raised by people born with ambiguous genitalia. "Our birth defect," so the argument goes, "was in our brains, and it was cured by aligning our bodies to our brains. Now that we’ve accomplished that necessary change, we do not transgress any gender boundaries. We are women, pure and simple. Calling us transgendered denies us our lives and assigns us to a ghetto, whereas we just want to assimilate into the world around us". Not every MtF transsexual agrees with this, and many use the term transgendered to describe themselves.

The controversy that heatedly swirled around these issues is, in once sense a tempest in a teapot. Leslie Feinberg has correctly noted that the LGBT alphabet soup of people and identities have nothing with each other except their persecution by mainstream society. Whether women-born-trans or with ambiguous genitalia wish it, society will treat them as part of the stew. But they can complain that being lumped into the mixture in fact harms them in a unique way. I’ve mulled this over, and I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t like the noun transgendered for much of anything.

Actually I don’t like labels in this arena at all. What you think a label means and what someone else thinks it means can be two very different things. For example despite all intentions, many people think that the term crossdresser automatically implies things about someone’s sexuality. There’s also the problem of looking for prophetic knowledge. Right now if you go shopping on Amazon.com they’ll keep track of your shopping preferences and the next time you log in, present you with a list of potential purchases based your past ones. They think these new offers apply to you. Adopting a label can work a bit like that. If I am A, and according to the conventional wisdom it is prophesized that B, C and D go along with A, then maybe I’d better look into B, C and D. Not, I think a good thing overall.

So instead of using labels, I’d prefer to take more space and be descriptive. Instead of assuming an umbrella of transgendered people, I rather say the following: There are some people who behave in ways that are socially assigned to the opposite sex. I can call this transgendered behavior. There are some people who identify at least partially as the opposite sex to how they would be expected to identify. I can call this transgendered identification. Using transgendered as a precise, specific and limited adjective rather than a noun is I think a better thing to do than imply relationships between people that are resented and may not exist.

No Escape.

We took a weeklong trip to Northern California a couple of weeks ago. A combination of business and family matters and bit of vacation. A company I was visiting put us up at the San Mateo Marriott. This we thought would be a perfectly ordinary weeklong escape from the snow. No makeup, no jewelry, just us. But fate has a way of messing with your expectations at times. That very weekend, a number of transgendered (oops, there’s that word again) organizations in the Bay area were having their annual Cotillion. My friend Denea Doyle, the presentation coach was helping some of her students prepare for it. And where did this little festival of femininity take place, you may ask? You guessed it, the San Matteo Marriot. As Friday rolled along you could see the carts rolling in stuffed to the gills with dresses, wig boxes and enough glitter and sequins to blind a regiment. I asked some of the girls at breakfast how many attended and I was told on the order of 200. I did have a chance to chat with Denae at the fringes of things to clear up a confusion about getting a copy of her new instructional DVD for our library. Which reminds me, I still need to place that order.

We had dinner on Saturday with relatives staying elsewhere in the city, and one blurted out that she’d seen 4 transvestites already during the few days, and reminisced about being complemented on an outfit she wore to San Francisco 40 years ago by some drag queen.

Then we went and visited the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Who should they be having a retrospective of, but Diane Arbus, noted for her photographs of the New York Demimonde in the 1940’s, 50’s and 60’s. Some of her less provocative pictures of crossdressers were among the photos.

And in the midst of everything else going on, we did stop by Nordstrom Rack. I found a lovely royal purple velvet jumper at a deep discount. There’s also a discount chain in Northern California, Mervyn’s, where I found a beige velvet blouse from Harve Bernard for a song.

Diane

February - Judith DiPerna, a counselor from Pittsburg who specializes in couples affected by issues of transgendered behavior or identity will be our Speaker for February. Ms. DiPerna is highly recommended by Abigail.

Because of the topic the officers of AO decided to invite members of Transfamily who would have an interest in the topic to attend the meeting. Diane Frank extended the invitation both by email, and in person at the February 5th meeting of transfamily

NEW YORK - About 100 men in minis, midis and tutus gathered in Manhattan to call for an end to the tyranny of trousers.

``We're not transvestites, homosexuals or cross-dressers,'' David Johnson told the New York Times for Sunday editions. ``We don't want you to call us Jean or Sally. We're men. Men who want the right to wear a skirt.''

Johnson, a retired teacher from Poughkeepsie, N.Y., and the other pants opposers walked several blocks from the Guggenheim Museum to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, where they visited an exhibit called ``Bravehearts: Men in Skirts.'' Their presence attracted confused looks from a few fellow visitors.

Ingemar Johnsson, 39, came from Sweden to join the march Saturday. He told the Times that men in Europe often wore skirts and pantaloons until the time of the French Revolution, when pants became the expected masculine attire. Others pointed out that Scottish men have donned kilts for centuries.

``The male bird is always the pretty one, not the female,'' another participant, 27-year-old Chris Taylor, told the Times. ``Why can't the male human being dress with style and color?''

Jan Morris

I think it is no secret that I love travel. The sites, sounds, smells, foods, and people of other cultures teach me much about who I am, why I am here, and where I’m going.

Equally intoxicating to me is sitting by the fire on these cold winter nights reading the prose of those who share this strange wanderlust.

Submitted for your approval is a review of one such writer’s latest work. The author? Jan Morris. Why Jan? It turns out that she’s transgendered, "transitioning" from James to Jan back in the early 70’s when, as one writer points out, it wasn’t quite so fashionable. But you won’t discover this fact in the Smithsonian review that follows. It reviews a writer’s writings, pure and simple with no labels attached to sensationalize or sway perception. I found this absence refreshing in an era where a nanosecond of "wardrobe malfunctioning" breast exposure elicits hours of pious commentary.

Elaine

Jan Morris, Simon & Schuster

Jan Morris is less a travel writer than a writer who travels, leaving glorious gusts of literature in her wake. She has written some 40 books, including celebrations of Manhattan and Venice, Sydney and Hong Kong, and has explored history as well as place.

Now, at age 75, Morris offers us what she says is her last book, and it seems a nice flourish that she invites a reader to accompany her to the heart of nowhere. Trieste, she points out, is a city that has changed its nationalities, identities and industries so often that it became a favorite haunt of expatriates and exiles.

As Morris meanders among imperial coffeehouses of the Hapsburg era, and churches beloved by stray cats, she serves up vignettes of the princes and paupers who made these streets memorable. There is the Hapsburg prince Maximilian, departing to become Emperor of Mexico, where he would be overthrown and shot against a wall. An almost penniless James Joyce haunting bars and brothels as he labors over his masterpiece Ulysses. A young Sigmund Freud arriving with a grant from Vienna University to study the copulation of eels.

Along the way, Morris shares fragments of autobiography as well. "The past is a foreign country, but so is old age," she writes, "and as you enter it you feel you are treading unknown territory."

"Far superior to other efforts by spouses to cover this topic"

Diane and Z have agreed to provide a comprehensive review for next month’s Silhouette.

Can’t wait? Order your own copy by going to the bookstore section of our website.

Elaine

So far there have been very few hits on this, tending to confirm my darker suspicions about what people are really hoping to find when they visit our site.

If you have been trying to use the audio features and can't get them to work, please click on the little green dots with the white figure in the center.  That's what get's things to play. NOT an interface I would have designed...but so it goes.

Diane

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