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La Femme Silhouette
February 2002
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Masthead
2002 |
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Table of Contents
Karen's Korner
Alpha Omega Minutes, January
9, 2002
A Twelve-Step
Program to Eliminate Guilt
Significant Other
Embarrassing Moment at
the Doctor's Office
Spice X
On Hearing Judy Shepherd Speak
The Very Worst of Varla Jean
Merman
Awakenings- A GLBT
Support Group in Brecksville
Walk Like a Lady
Upcoming Events
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HAPPY
VALENTINES DAY!
HELLO everyone. Sorry I have not written in a while but I have been going
through many health issues lately. However, things will get better. All I can
do is keep trying and I have the best supportive wife in the world. It is hard
to keep our lives simple with all the things that we do. We have to remember
our other half. Everyday they spend a lot of time helping us with all parts of
our lives. Most of the time we don't show them what it means to us to have
them doing some much. We need to try and do things to help them (who ever that
will be) instead of us helping ourselves. This month try and remember the
other half and do something nice for them to show you care. I know you all can
come up with something - maybe a
card or a letter or flowers.
We are trying to pass the constitution. All we have done was to shorten it
and make it easier to read. I know there will be some problems with it but we
can always change things later on. I have been trying very hard to get many
things done that have been problems for the group for a long time. I hope to
be able to keep things going. While not all members will like what I do, it's
hard to please every-one. There will always somebody unhappy with some changes
that are made by me or anyone else in this position. I have never been in this
situation before. I like everyone and don't want to lose anyone in the group
So please work with me and maybe we can all reach some kind of an agreement on
this issue and other issues as time goes by.
We have the best group anywhere in the U.S. It only can get stronger the
more we pull together. Some of the changes are very different from what we are
used to and it will be hard for some but we need to try. I think some of the
changes will get more people active in the group and help take some of the
load off others. We have been doing more this year than ever before and we are
getting a lot of new people to come to our group. I would like to have them
see that we are a very supportive group for all, and not arguing among
ourselves. The more we can work together, the more functions we can do. I am
always open for suggestions on functions for the group. I have enjoyed being
your presi-dent this year, and hope to continue to see our group grow and have
new events.
I have been trying to improve our group by doing more outreach programs I
have made a few mistakes in the past, but I am trying to improve on them and
not make them again. I have been taking classes on speaking to different
organizations. I hope to help others find their way and show them they are not
alone in this. I hope to help others understand us as well. I know not
everyone will but we need to try by giving them more information about what we
do.
We have a special outing to go to February 22,2002 at Slinging Scissors. It
's on Friday night after 6:00 pm. They are only charging $10.00 to do your
hair or wigs (They have to be washed first before you come). They will set it
for you and they are giving us a free paraffin wax for your hands. Security is
not an issue because they will be closed to the public that evening. Call
Slinging Scissors or me for an appt. time. Hope to see you all there.
Karen
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Alpha Omega Minutes,
January 9, 2002
8:15 Called to order
Welcomed newcomers
Announced that February meeting will be moved back to the 3rd
Saturday (Feb 16, 2002) due to a conflicting event.
8:20 Website Report
Mentioned fixed, update, security, and changes.
Discussed site stats, (high/low page hits)
Opened meeting to site suggestions
8:40 Meal for Next Month
Sherry – Black Beans, Rice & Taco Sauce
Diane Kent – Snacks
Karen Davenport – Bread, Rolls & Butter, Shells & Tortillas
Tammi – Filling for Burritos
Diane Brennon – Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato
Jerri – Sour Cream
Dawn – Dessert
8:45 Discussion of Constitution
Election time change met with questions why, concern expressed over
attendence drop during bumped meeting date in Nov.
Discussion of security problems in Articles such as Art. IV, Sec. 1
9:00 Help for clean up after meeting
9:05 Open to floor for suggestion & comments
9:07 Meeting Closed
NOTICE: Chapter and Tri-Ess Dues Coming Soon
At the March meeting, we will be collecting both Chapter and Tri-Ess Dues.
Since we have gone to what has been termed the Rudd Plan, where the chapter
collects dues for national and passes them along, and we collect them at the
same time as chapter dues, the amounts presented below include both fees.
Associates: $44.00
Single: $61.00
Couples: $83.00
Please note: Elections will be held also be held in March as well. To be
qualified to vote and/or to be nominated to be an officer, you must be a
member in good standing of both Alpha Omega and Tri-Ess International. (by
both current and proposed constitution)
NOTICE: Constitution Review and Vote
We began the discussion of the new constitution last month. We would like
to finish that discussion this month and put the new constitution to a vote,
and adopt it prior to the March meeting so that we can get the new Board of
Directors (If the constitution is approved) in place with this vote rather
than waiting another entire year. One month’s delay now will only serve to
keep this chapter locked into an outdated constitution for another year.
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A
Twelve-Step Program to Eliminate Guilt.
At a recent chapter meeting, I overheard sister X express surprise that
there are no twelve step programs for cross-dressers. After all, there seem
to be programs modeled on the original Alcoholics Anonymous blue book for
everything from Axe murderers to obsessive-compulsive Zebra mussel
transporters. "Why is that?" I asked myself. The obvious answer is
that, since crossdressing is not a medically recognized disorder, there is
no need for a program to "cure" it. Occam’s Razor says that
there is no Crossdressers Anonymous (CA) because no one has yet organized a
group. After some thought, I decided that CA doesn’t exist because
crossdressing is a condition that is not going to go away, no matter how
many steps a person takes to try to eliminate it from his/her life, and
nobody is going to join a group with a zero success rate.
However, that doesn’t mean that there is no need for a support group
for cross-dressers. Logically, there is then no reason to suppose that CDs
couldn’t benefit from some sort of twelve-step program. The question is,
what would a CA group have as its goal? Recent events in my life led me to
the realization that the goal of such a program would not be to help a CD
stop crossdressing, but to enable him/her to crossdress without guilt or
shame. Anyone who has even a nodding acquaintance with therapy groups knows
what a twelve-step program looks like. The following is based on the outline
given in AA’s blue book.
A Twelve-Step Program to eliminate guilt and shame:
1. Admit to ourselves that we are cross-dressers, and that we will never
be able to rid ourselves of the need to crossdress.
2. Acknowledge that our minds have an undeniable feminine component.
3. Make a decision to let the feminine component of our minds express
herself.
4. Make a searching and fearless inventory of our masculine and feminine
selves.
5. Admit to ourselves and at least one other human being that we have
both a masculine and feminine self.
6. Be ready to allow our feminine selves some form of open expression.
7. Allow our feminine selves to appear in the presence of others.
8. Make a list of all persons with whom we are acquainted who have no
knowledge of our crossdressing, and become willing to disclose to them the
existence of our feminine selves.
9. Inform all such persons of the existence of our feminine selves,
except when doing so would injure them or others.
10. Continue to take personal inventory of our lives and be sure that our
feminine and masculine selves receive equal attention.
11. Seek through thought and meditation to improve our awareness of our
feminine selves and needs.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, carry
this message to other crossdressers and practice these principals in all our
undertakings.
It didn’t take me long to realize that the above is a pretty good
summary of what Tri-Ess is about, and what it offers to its members. To
answer your question, sister X, not only is there a twelve-step program for
crossdressers, but you already belong to the group.
We have met Crossdressers Anonymous, and they are Tri-Ess (The Society of
the Second Self)!
(Tri-Ess is the American equivalent of the Beaumont Society).
(source unknown)
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"Significant
Other"
Deborah Deamons
February 3, 2002
We all know that
"significant" is defined as "momentous; important."
Directly following this word in the dictionary is the term "significant
other." To my surprise, that term is defined as "1. A person with
whom one shares a long-term sexual relationship;" or 2. An
important or influential person in one’s life." I was surprised that
someone could not be significant to another person without being sexually
involved with that person. I am sure we all have people that we presently or
formerly find or found important and share or did share that oh-so-important
first chair relationship spot in our lives.
My personal definition of
"significant other" would be that person in our lives who loves us
unconditionally, nourishes and helps us without reservation. That person could
be spouse, sibling, child, parent, mentor, friend, whomever. For instance, at
our last firm social function, one of the single girls brought along her
niece, whom she lives with while the young woman is going to college. They
care for and support one another at this time in their lives. One of the men
brought his two year-old son (the last born of his four children). In other
words, they brought someone they enjoyed being with, who held a special place
in their lives, and this was a person they really wanted their co-workers to
meet and enjoy also.
This being deemed
"significant other" month by the Group, I think it would be an
appropriate time to focus on those special people in our lives no matter what
their particular relationship is to us. After all, where would we be without
their support, love and acts of kindness. Perhaps someone in this very Group
is one that influences us and has a special place in our hearts.
Being the spouse of a member is
not an easy role at times. But I keep reminding myself – people are not
"just one thing." This is an aspect of my partner’s life. My
partner is also an excellent electrician, a supportive friend, a good father,
a help-mate, and most importantly, my No. 1 Fan. He supports me not only with
assistance in deed, but in cheering me on, making me feel worthwhile, and
letting me know every day that there is only one person like me in this
whole world – worthy of love and living. So each day, when I wake up, I turn
to him, and maybe I am not in the best of moods, but I remember what I am to
him, and it is important that I get up, go to the office (ugh), and carry on
my daily duties. He gives me something to look forward to upon waking and at
the end of the work day, he’s the one I come home to. The one who asks
"how’s your day?" – the one who really cares how my day was! He’s
my first thought in the morning and my last at night. And I thank God we met
20 years ago, and hope that God will continue to bless him and keep him in
good health (and humor).
So on this Valentine’s Day
and Significant Others month, I wish you good things, good health, good times,
and God’s blessing on YOU and your Significant OTHERS!
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Embarrassing
Moment At The Doctor's Office
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office
with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.
He approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing
woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice
the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here... you want to see the
doctor about impotence, right?"
All of the patients in the waiting room snapped their head around to look
at the very embar-rassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied,
"No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... and I'd like
the same doctor that did yours!"
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SPICE X - A SPICE FOR ALL TIMES! JULY
10-14, 2002 RICHMOND, VIRGINIA
E-Mail: triess_spice@yahoo.com
Website: Spice
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On Hearing Judy
Shepherd Speak- By Diane Frank
On Thursday, October 18th, Judy Shepherd spoke to a capacity
crowd in the Kent State University student union. I attended this event with
some trepidation, both personal and political. The personal trepidation was of
course the issue of a public function. I experienced a curious thing. Arriving
at the reception for Mrs. Shepherd, I found myself the object of a number of
curious glances. But on seeing some friends who greeted me enthusiastically, I
found that the glances ceased. Having contacts with the group, the curiosity
about a stranger was replaced by the assurance that I was a member of that
society in some form.
The second trepidation was political. The question that comes
to my mind, and perhaps other’s minds is what would Judy Shepherd be doing if
Matt hadn’t been assaulted, robbed, kidnapped, beaten and left to die on a
trestle fence in the middle of the Colorado countryside? Is speaking out for
acceptance and against bigotry a fitting memorial for her beloved son, or an
unfortunate deviation from the arc of her own life?
I can’t answer those questions. Judy Shepherd is coping with
a brutal personal crime with dignity, grace, humor and tears. It is a crime that
our community cannot ignore, because like or not, in the minds of the murderers
and their fellows, we are all alike.
Some of Judy’s remarks are directly applicable to our
community. On Matt’s coming out, her response was "What took you so long
to tell me?" This is something those of us who are keeping secrets from
those closest to us should keep in mind. She also recognized that it wasn’t a
matter of choice for Matt. It isn’t a matter of choice for us either. She did
reflect on the processes of denial that some people go through, and the
consequences it brings socially. Her recommendation is getting out a voting for
candidates who support diversity. She is also very much in favor of GLBT being
out. She noted that one of her son’s murders had been a member of the Boy
Scouts. This is something to keep in mind when we contemplate the discriminatory
policies of the Boy Scouts of America and their consequences.
In the wake of September 11th, Mrs. Shepherd had some other
thoughts we all need to keep in mind. Mrs. Shepherd was living in Saudi Arabia
where her husband was and is employed as an engineer. Expressing intolerance and
physical violence towards Muslims, or people who look Middle Eastern is
something we must not allow.
Overall, Mrs. Shepherd is a powerful presenter of an important
message. She will return to our area in the Spring to give a similar
presentation in Akron’s E.J. Thomas Hall.
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The Very
Worst of Varla Jean Merman- A capsule
review by Diane Frank
There is no end to the mythos of the drag queen. The debauched
life style, the over-the-top glamour, the abusive relationships, the self
obsession and the struggle for the illusion of normalcy amidst a lot of sheer
lunacy. Now imagine this deconstructed without lip-synching. Imagine it with
Hello Kitty accessories. If you did you might come close to feeling of a show
that had me laughing to the point of tears….something not healthy for my
makeup or Varla Jean’s.
(The Very Worst of Varla Jean Merman ran October 26-29 at
Cleveland Public Theatre.
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Awakenings-
A GLBT Support Group in Brecksville- by Diane Frank
I ’ve written articles about Therapy practices that
specialize in dealing with queer and gender issues. (Most of these are on the AO
website and were never published in the newsletter). These Therapy practices
provide resources for people whose problems with cross dressing are greater than
can be readily addressed within the confines of Alpha Omega or Triess. I’ve
made a point however, of noting that the meetings are often not about these
special problems, but about ordinary problems of relationships,
misinterpretation of life’s event and choosing how to respond.
Awakenings is a donation based discussion group located in
Brecksville that takes this idea a step further. Here is a group where you can
be a member of the queer community and not have that be an issue at all. Here
you won’t be told, all your problems would cease if only you; chose one: weren’t
gay, weren’t transgendered, stopped crossdressing. It is assumed that these
various areas are reasonable parts of one’s life. I made an unannounced visit
to a meeting in early November and found it to be a warm, welcoming, safe
environment. It didn’t matter that I was nearly an hour late either. Robert
Elias, Ed.S. M.E.Ed., has run this group as an adjunct to his counseling
practice for thirteen years.
Further information about Awakenings, you can look at their
web-site http://hometown.aol.com/awakeningssg/. You can also call (330) 659 6496
or (440) 526 0468.
Meetings are held the First and Third Wednesday of each month 8:30-10:30 PM
and are held in the offices of Benedetto and Associates, 8221 Brecksville Road,
Brecksville, Commons, Bld #4, Brecksville, OH 44141.
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WALK LIKE A LADY
By Miss Sally Stone
Have you ever watched closely, the way girls walk? Even from a great
distance, girls have an altogether distinctive style that is easily
distinguishable. In fact, if you dressed a guy and a girl in the same clothing,
set them a good distance away, and told them to walk naturally, it would be very
easy to distinguish the boy from the girl.
I have always wondered just why the sexes have such different gaits. My
curiosity of course, stems from the fact that as a crossdresser, I would like
very much to emulate the female walking style. In order to copy the female walk;
however, first you must first gain an understanding of the mechanics going on in
the background.
If any of you have ever tried to walk the way a girl walks (an if you're
wearing girls clothes, you should be) you know that it is difficult. After
trying for many years, I was at the point where I felt it might even be
impossible. After careful study, and some experimentation however, I learned
that achieving a feminine walking style is possible. You should note that
walking like a girl will never be a natural thing for a guy, and this is because
guys and girls possess entirely different skeletal geometries.
Because of this geometry, men and women walk differently, and if you
understand the differences in the skeletal geometry, you begin to see just why
this is so.
A woman's body is designed primarily to support childbirth, and as such, her
hips are set wide apart, while her pelvis is pushed further to the rear. This
design forms a cradle with a low center of gravity, and supports a child growing
inside the womb.
The female's skeletal anatomy directly affects the way she walks. Because her
hips are set apart, she naturally sways them when walking (assuring the hips
rotate around her center of gravity). The geometry of her pelvic region places
her legs in line with the front of her torso, pushing her behind farther aft. A
man, on the other hand, walks with his torso on top of his pelvis (because his
hips are narrow), resulting in less sway. Additionally, the male pelvis is more
in line with the back of the torso, so the behind tends to lie directly
underneath the torso.
You can see that because of the geometry involved, women and men walk
differently. The challenge for a crossdresser is to mimic the female walk in
spite of the geometrical differences. Difficult though it may be, this is not
impossible.
Now, before we cover the mechanical techniques of walking the way a girl
does, there are some fundamental ground rules we have to remember. Firstly,
never try to teach yourself how to walk like a girl wearing high heels. Many of
us think that by sliding into a pair of spiked heels, our gait will
automatically become more feminine. This is untrue. In fact, high heels
complicate the skeletal geometry, and will make the learning process that much
more difficult. The other fundamental rule is to make sure that you don't try to
overdue the female sway. An overstated sway or swing will destroy an otherwise
satisfactory female gait. Fashion models use the accentuated sway to get
attention on the runway and to showcase the fashions they are wearing. We are
crossdressers and we don't want to attract too much attention. Besides, an
overstated sway looks unnatural.
The first step to achieving a convincing female walk is to alter you skeletal
geometry as best you can. Start by sucking in your lower stomach muscles and
holding them. Then, very slowly push out your bottom until the front of your
torso is in line with the front of your thighs. To ensure that you have the
correct stance you could do this standing sideways in a full-length mirror.
Notice that this is not a normal male stance, and consequently, concentration
will be required to maintain it.
Once you have the stance down, now you can begin walking. Holding this stance
while walking is going to be even more difficult than it was while standing
still, but this is the only way a male can closely replicate the female walking
geometry. By pushing out your bottom and by holding in those stomach muscles,
you force your hips to sway in such a way that they support your torso as you
move forward.
Remember not to try to accentuate the sway of your hips. Let your new walking
geometry cause your hips to sway naturally. Later, as you begin to master the
technique, you can add to the sway just a bit. Don't overdo it however, as you
want to blend in with the rest of girls around you, not stand out. Once you
think your new walking style is acceptable, add a pair of heels. As I said
earlier, heels complicate the walking geometry, so be prepared for some
additional practice when you add the high heels.
I find it helpful to practice walking towards a full-length mirror. Another
great tool is the video camera. Using a camera, you can video yourself from both
the front and the rear. Watching yourself on video will alert you to areas that
need improvement.
With practice and concentration, I think it is possible to replicate the
walking style of a genetic female. Remember to keep things as natural as
possible, and remember to practice first, without high heels. If you are
diligent and hard working, you will be walking like a lady in no time.
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UPCOMING EVENTS
February 16, 2002 ***********NOTE: Date Change
NATIONAL SO MONTH
Continue Discussion on Constitution
Nomination of Officers for Upcoming Year
February 22 – 6:00 PM
Slinging Scissors
(See letter from Karen for information)
March – Second Saturday of Month
Election of Officers
Formation of Committees
April – Second Saturday of Month
New Officers take Office
May – Second Saturday of Month
Program Open
June – Second Saturday of Month
Program Open
July – Second Saturday of Month
Program Open
SPICE – Richmond, VA July 10-14
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