Merâl Crane- Group Therapy in Columbus

By Diane Sofia Frank

Alpha Omega can’t address every issue in your life. There may be aspects to your crossdressing, sexuality and/or life experience that need more help than your sisters can give. That’s the point where you might want to consider professional advice. We’ve got a selection of counselors familiar with gender identity and sexuality issues listed in our web site. But if you’re even more nervous about seeing a "shrink" than coming to an Alpha Omega meeting, the following should set you mind at ease.

I met Merâl at a Transfamily presentation she did with several other therapists. We had a very pleasant chat, and during the course of her editing the blurb I wrote about her (this is available on the website but never appeared in the newsletter), she suggested that I drop in on one of her monthly group sessions. She had two reasons for this. First she thought I’d like to see what went on and write about it, and second she thought one of her clients would like to meet me. Being interested and flattered, of course I accepted.

Snuggled in the spacious basement den of an inconspicuous suburban Columbus home, Some 25+ people arrived during the course of the evening. People introduced themselves around the room, and there were no demurrers when I explained that I was there to write about the meeting, but I’d participate as if I was a regular. The session seemed to have two parts to it, one a discussion of the external details of a transgendered existence, and given the composition of the group it was mostly focused on issues of transitioning. Documents, name changes, licenses, identification and so forth were discussed. Of more interest later were the issues of personal perception, self-confidence, and how the world looks to you on any given day. Relating your problem and hearing how other people have dealt with similar issues can be reassuring and save you some work.

Regretfully, I had to leave the meeting to spend time with the person who Merâl wanted me to meet and I missed most of that discussion. But Merâl graciously allowed me to come back to a second session, to hear more about problems. Although crossdressers and transsexuals come from rather different places, some of the issues are common. Divorce, unfortunately is one of them. Those CD’s who choose to venture out in public share the same concern as transsexuals about "passing" and acceptance, albeit transsexuals must deal with the issue on a 24/7 basis.

What struck me most about these discussions was in fact how ordinary they were. From my perspective, being a guest, what was extraordinary was Merâl’s ability to facilitate the discussion. The kind of psychotherapy that she practices demands this skill. "Reality" or "Cognitive" therapy have as their premise that much of our difficulty in life lies not in what happens to us (reality), but the stories (cognition) we make up about the things that happen to us. We tend to over interpret and over process, seeing things as better or worse than they really are, and often making problems worse by our reactions. People tend to cling to the stories, to be invested in their interpretations of the events in their lives. Because of this, a therapist needs the insight to tease apart the events from the person’s story about the events and then a tactful but persistent approach to engage the person in seeing other possible interpretations of events. An example of this was her gentle suggestion to a person who seemed to be having difficulty planning, but rejected the idea of engaging an objective outside financial analyst on the grounds of great prior management consulting experience…"remember its the cobbler’s children who go without shoes".

Strongly emotional issues such as divorce are apt to engage a great deal of interpretation and misinterpretation of experience. An outside perspective can help tell fact from fiction. Similarly, the intense self doubts about passing and concern for other people’s perceptions can generate stories that differ from the truth. An example of the passing issue occurred to me on the way home from the group therapy session.

I stopped at K-mart pick up some makeup, knowing from past experience that at 2 in the morning you can walk in the store naked and the employees are too zonked to care. Two rather short guys caught sight of me, and sidled up behind me for a few minutes in the check out line. Since I’m 6’2"+ in stocking feet, their curiosity could simply have been because I was tall. Being tall I’m always interested in tall people in general and will close the distance to get a better look. So one story I could make up is that they were checking out the tall, good-looking lady. The other, of course, is that I was "clocked". I don’t know the truth. But consider that it would feel rather nice to be admired for being tall and good looking, and feel terrible to be clocked and laughed at. The story I make up, rather than the unknown facts of the matter could have a great deal to do with how I felt both at the time, and afterwards.

I took home a number of messages from this group. First, as one of the members emphasized, this is PG rated stuff. Second, there is nothing particularly remarkable or different about a group therapy session for T* issues than for other issues, in fact ‘other’ issues predominate. Third, even if you’re just there as an observer, you can benefit from the session even if you didn’t expect it. Finally, if you have doubts or concerns about seeking help that you need, you can put them aside. Help is there and there doesn’t appear to be any downside to getting it.